Somedays when I am having a bad day or dealing with a ‘client from hell’ which can really stress me out I browse some of the quotes submitted at Clients from Hell and it makes me think that maybe it’s not so bad. After all they do pay the bills (even if they don’t always pay on time!)

If you work in the design and freelance world then some of these quotes will probably sound like nightmare clients you have had to deal with and maybe you have some examples that are like this or maybe much, much worse.

These 26 examples just made me chuckle and shows that I am not alone.

The site is broken. When I’m on the home page and I click the back button, it takes me to another site.

If you’re going to charge me 40$ an hour to make my website I would like to install a camera in your office so I’m 100% sure you don’t bill me for hours where you’re not working.

Client: “I want it to be like Facebook”

Me: “Did you have a budget in mind for this project?”

Client: “I need to get it done for under $500

Can you include a splash intro animation that turns the screen into a mirror so they can see themselves? We really want to push the metaphor.

I need you to make the website black and white but include as much color as possible.

Can you make our website track their webcams? I want to make sure that anybody on our site aren’t creepy-stalker types.

Client: “I need you to design me an internal company newsletter”

Me: “I’ll need the logo, brand guidelines, any relevant graphics and text.”

Client: “You’re not licensed to use them”

We’re looking for a high-exposure designer for our site. We want some flash stuff, maybe even some other interactive features. I can only afford a one-time $25 payment upon completion/upload of the site, however it’s a great way to add a fun, popular business to your portfolio

We have no budget for this ad, but the good news is that we are definitely sure that we want to work with you.

I need to get moving, anyway you can do some work on this on your vacation. That’s a long vacation, I bet you’ll get bored anyway, and this is back-and-forth via email, not phone, so it shouldn’t cause you any stress.

Most of our photos are all white people, but we need to show more diversity, and we don’t have the budget for another photoshoot. But I’m sure you can just change them to various races, I mean, that’s what a graphic designer does, right?

Here, I really like Apple’s logo, so I’ve taken their logo and put our name under it.

Your hourly rate is okay, as long as you don’t need more than an hour. And you can show me how you did it so I can do it on my own next time.

Make sure it’s not too edgy, not too flashy, not too much detail, not classical/traditional, not too complex, exciting, but not all over all over the place, efficient but fun, clean, fresh, modern, up beat, contemporary, high readability, smooth, shapeless, timeless, not outdated, but simple.

That other website is stealing our business. Can you make it so that when someone types in their address they come to our site?

Above all, when you redesign the website, I don’t want any HTML in it. I’m tired of dealing with all the hassles of HTML

Client: “Well, how big is your computer?”

Me: “My, uh… How big?”

Client: “Yeah. How big? Is it big enough to handle a big sign?”

Me: “Well it’s a newer MacBook Pro so, like I said, I shouldn’t have any trouble.”

Client: “No, like how many inches?”

Me: “Um, well… It has a 17-inch screen.”

Client: “Well that won’t work. We need something that’s thirty or forty inches wide. It’s a big sign.”

Can you show Joanne [client’s secretary] how you designed our business cards. I don’t want to pay you for doing them.

Our client’s competitors has put something on their website that we don’t like, can you take it off there?

The woman in this photo is perfect, but she needs to be disabled. Can you photoshop her so she only has one arm?

JPG screenshots of a new website design were sent to the client. Her only feedback was, “I try to click the menu, but nothing happens”

The CEO will be in town tomorrow so if you could get the whole site done by then that would be great.

We need our website to work regular business hours; from 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday.

Client: “I’ve sent the image. I can’t wait to see the final product.”

Me: “This image is 115px x 148px at 72dpi. Typically we need images around 1000px and higher with around 150+dpi.”

Client: “Can’t you just Enhance the images like they do in CSI.

I think this looks good but I’m going to have my daughter look at it too. She’s got a good eye for this stuff and she just did the cover for her high school’s yearbook…

I have printed it out, but the animated GIF is not moving?